Neology

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologisms, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp

Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash

Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists

Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there

Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men