Today while folding laundry I had infomercials running. I enjoy the P90X - somehow I believe I can go from average to awesome in just 90 days. The guy who sells the Mighty Putty and that fix-a-dent gadget (that in my mind is called "Pop and Lock" but I know that's not right) is way too loud these days, but since Oxy really was as good as advertised, I'll give his products the benefit of the doubt.
The latest Ron-Popeil-wannabe is the Shamwow guy, Vince Offer. I've had a Shamwow since 2004 - well before having a Shamwow has cool (and before I knew it had such a spectacular name) so I was feeling like I could trust Vince, too, even though he is clearly a pencil-necked geek with a very, very irritating voice and demeanor. Today he was hawking the Slap Chop, which is a "new and improved" version of the Quick Chop, apparently because it can be cleaned more easily. (Neither version can be cleaned more easily than my knife and cutting board, by the way.)
So anyway, Vince is riffing. He's slicing, he's dicing, he's cleaning, he's chopping again, he's actually even telling me that the Slap Chop (also incidentally a patented move from Ninja 3: The Domination, which is not a kung fu movie) is going to cure America's obesity epidemic, and I'm feelin' it, when all of the sudden Vince turns to the camera and says, "You're gonna love my nuts," then I'm pretty sure he smirked, directly at me. And I changed the channel.
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